They say, whoever "they" are, that expressing your feelings, writing them down, or whatever you do is suppose to help.. Well why the hell not..
It's about a week after my 29th birthday. Not anything big. Not some huge even number or anything like that. But still, my birthday none the less. I don't know why I thought this year would be any different then the past few. I don't know why I expect anything sometimes.
For the past few years, I haven't gotten any kind of birthday cake. Yeah, I know, no big deal right? But for whatever crazy reason in my messed up head, I expect one. I don't know why I do, but I do and year after year I'm let down. So it shouldn't of came as any surprise that when I went to eat with my parents this year, there wasn't one.
Sometime I don't know why I even celebrate my birthday. It doesn't matter to anyone but me. Yes, I get birthday wishes on Facebook, but if it didn't remind people over and over again it was coming up or it was that day, I'm sure I wouldn't get any. But I've just given up on most social media anyways but that will come later.
Now presents were never a huge thing for me in my teen/adult life. I've worked since I was 16 and bought anything I wanted, if I wanted anything. I've always been more of a giver then anything. Anyways, I know i should be great full for anything I get, and I am, trust me. But when I get nothing but clothes all the time? It gets old. My parents got me a hoodie, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Again, all clothes. Most years I get harassed about what I want but sometimes I just want you to go out and get me something YOU think I will like. Is it that hard? I don't care if it's something little. It's just not something I HAVE to have. I need clothes. I need a jacket. I don't need tea or a mug or any fucking thing like that. I don't see that as being very hard..
Now this is where my brother comes in. He bought me tea, a mug and a poster. I don't need any of that but he thought I would like it. And I do! I don't care how much he spent, he picked it out. He put some thought into it. More then "look pants" and buy them and toss them into a box. It really just pisses me off.
